If I Only Knew Then...

...What I know now....
I've heard that expression far too many times and it has almost always come out of the mouth of some 90-year old. It's like the old people's motto, and they repeat it like a broken record. Now that I think about it, "If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now" would be a pretty cool name for a retirement home. But that's not the point....

The point is...I learned the very cruel truth of this saying much too early in life. At only 25 years old, I find myself thinking the same thing almost every day. The English language (or at least the dictionary) does not contain a word which can completely express the pain and regret one feels when he/she comes to realize this cold and nasty truth. And as I think of all the ways my life could be different right now if I had known all the things I know now, I get a feeling that it may not be too late to impact the life of another person who may be headed down the same path.

I don't know and I will never know whether my life would be better or worse right now, if I could go back and make the changes I wish I could. I will never know whether those decisions were pure ignorance or pure destiny. Reality is sometimes deceiving. Maybe because each of us perceives it differently. Or maybe because we aren't really seeing the real reality of things. One thing is for sure though - even if I could go back and change my past, or even little snippets of it, what I imagine the outcome would be is far from the actual reality.

Sometimes our life ends up going down a road we didn't consciously choose. Sometimes we make huge decisions much too quickly and underestimate the consequences of our actions. And far too many times we either make the decisions for the wrong reasons, or we let the wrong reasons make our decisions. There isn't a person on this planet who doesn't have at least one regret, and who wouldn't go back in time to undo, redo, or DO something in their life. And the harsh reality is this - would it really change anything?!